The population of the supposed desert island in the hit TV show Lost has been estimated by experts at 2.4 million. Professor Eggie Head of the Department of Demographics, University of Michigan estimated the probably of encountering a new, unknown person when entering the jungle as approximately the same as that of a person living in a large city encountering an unknown person on a trip to the local supermarket.
Indeed, a spokesperson for McDonalds announced that they have been operating a thriving outlet on the island since 1983. Burgerking are understood to be in talks with interested parties over the opening of a competing franchise.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
George & Barbara Bush inducted into Parenting Hall of Shame
The 41st president of the United States, George H. Bush, and his wife Babara were today inducted into the Parenting Hall of Shame in an official ceremony in New York.
Citing their abject failure to tell their son, George Jr, "to get that smirk off your face", the nominating committee chairperson, Mr Betha Headovya, said that the Bushes deserved their place alongside other luminaries of parenting in the Hall of Shame including Mrs. Hitler, Mrs Mao, Mrs Stalin and Dave Pelzer's mom.
A spokeperson for the Bushes said their nannies had done the best they could, adding that George Jr. had not done badly in life, ending up in the best job money can buy.
Citing their abject failure to tell their son, George Jr, "to get that smirk off your face", the nominating committee chairperson, Mr Betha Headovya, said that the Bushes deserved their place alongside other luminaries of parenting in the Hall of Shame including Mrs. Hitler, Mrs Mao, Mrs Stalin and Dave Pelzer's mom.
A spokeperson for the Bushes said their nannies had done the best they could, adding that George Jr. had not done badly in life, ending up in the best job money can buy.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Man Sells Kidney for House Deposit
A young Dublin man in has taken advantage of his unique physiology to enable him to finally get on the housing ladder.
Joe FlatFoot, a 23 year old Garda based in Tallaght, was born with a rare condition called Trinephritis which affects only 1 person in every 10 million. Sufferers are born with an extra functioning kidney which allows them to filter fluids with remarkable efficiency. While rueing the loss of the ability to drink his friends under the table, Mr Flatfoot has decided to sell one of his 3 kidneys to an ill stockbroker to finance the purchase of his dream home.
Talking exclusively to Scrap Sunday, Mr FlatFoot felt the chance to own his own property was receding further and further; 'I've been saving hard for the past 3 years, but house prices have been rising quicker than I can accumulate funds. This way, I finally get ahead of the game and put a deposit on my dream 400 sq ft 1 bed bijou apartment in New Ross'.
Mr Flatfoot denied that he was acting recklessly, stating that he was simply taking advantage of his biological abnormality. He went further, stating 'Down the road, I can even sell off another kidney if I want to trade up. I hear that there is a market for testicles in Germany. The possibilities are endless. My body is really giving me hope for the future'.
The taoiseach, Bertie Ahern, lauded Mr Flatfoot's initiative, saying "This is the kind of entrepreneurship that sustains Ireland's vibrant economy". Mr Ahern added that it was vital for the Celtic Tiger that the construction industry remains bouyant and it was unreasonable to expect property developers to attend the Galway Races in an old model S-Class Mercedes.
Joe FlatFoot, a 23 year old Garda based in Tallaght, was born with a rare condition called Trinephritis which affects only 1 person in every 10 million. Sufferers are born with an extra functioning kidney which allows them to filter fluids with remarkable efficiency. While rueing the loss of the ability to drink his friends under the table, Mr Flatfoot has decided to sell one of his 3 kidneys to an ill stockbroker to finance the purchase of his dream home.
Talking exclusively to Scrap Sunday, Mr FlatFoot felt the chance to own his own property was receding further and further; 'I've been saving hard for the past 3 years, but house prices have been rising quicker than I can accumulate funds. This way, I finally get ahead of the game and put a deposit on my dream 400 sq ft 1 bed bijou apartment in New Ross'.
Mr Flatfoot denied that he was acting recklessly, stating that he was simply taking advantage of his biological abnormality. He went further, stating 'Down the road, I can even sell off another kidney if I want to trade up. I hear that there is a market for testicles in Germany. The possibilities are endless. My body is really giving me hope for the future'.
The taoiseach, Bertie Ahern, lauded Mr Flatfoot's initiative, saying "This is the kind of entrepreneurship that sustains Ireland's vibrant economy". Mr Ahern added that it was vital for the Celtic Tiger that the construction industry remains bouyant and it was unreasonable to expect property developers to attend the Galway Races in an old model S-Class Mercedes.
French Shirt Makers Distraught
Paris couturiers are in mourning since the announcement of the death of former Irish taoiseach, Charles J Haughey.
Mr Haughey, who passed away aged 80 on June 13th after a long battle against cancer, was a prodigious purchaser of fine French shirts despite having no visible means to pay for them. Exclusive Parisian purveyors were inconsolable at Mr Haughey's passing, citing fears that overall business could drop by up to 20%. 'The Irish market has practically vanished overnight', lamented a vendor who asked not to be named, adding anxiously 'Do you think the Irish people will start to buy shirts for themselves now?'.
Flags at all boutiques will be flown at half mast until further notice as a mark of respect for their best patron in Western Europe. According to official sales figures from the past 20 years, only Middle Eastern sheiks lavished more money on male haute couture in Paris. However, the records also show that they paid for this clobber with their own money.
Mr Haughey, who passed away aged 80 on June 13th after a long battle against cancer, was a prodigious purchaser of fine French shirts despite having no visible means to pay for them. Exclusive Parisian purveyors were inconsolable at Mr Haughey's passing, citing fears that overall business could drop by up to 20%. 'The Irish market has practically vanished overnight', lamented a vendor who asked not to be named, adding anxiously 'Do you think the Irish people will start to buy shirts for themselves now?'.
Flags at all boutiques will be flown at half mast until further notice as a mark of respect for their best patron in Western Europe. According to official sales figures from the past 20 years, only Middle Eastern sheiks lavished more money on male haute couture in Paris. However, the records also show that they paid for this clobber with their own money.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Welcome
Where better to start than with a story on the bold CJ (RIP), subject of much of the material on the original Scrap Saturday!
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